Posts Tagged “Nannies”

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From the playground to the playroom, mothers and nannies are engaged in a relationship like no other they are sometimes co-parents and comrades, often confidants, and much more than employer and employee.  It is a complex relationship that touches on issues of love, trust, and money.  It can be a wonderful collaboration between two women who care for the same child or it can be a difficult situation with unfulfilled expectations on both sides. 

 

Mothers can be obsessed, conflicted, and confused about how to manage caregivers but they also must contend with how they feel about having another woman take care of their children.  Caregivers love the kids, but often run into trouble dealing with mom.  And Nanny Makes Three goes behind the scenes of domestic arrangements to discover what moms and nannies are really thinking about each other, the kids, their respective jobs and their identities.

 

In this eye-opening book, Jessika Auerbach plumbs the depth of this unique relationship and presents a perspective that draws from both sides.  Mothers and caregivers genuine and unique voices are equally represented giving a balanced view to this highly complicated, emotionally charged relationship.

 

Anyone who is a mother, working or not, or thinking of becoming a mother and wondering how to juggle career and children without dropping the ball somewhere along the way will gain invaluable insight from And Nanny Makes Three.

 

The relationship between any working mother and the caretaker of her child involves some of the most intense, important, conflicted, and complicated interactions a woman is ever likely to have.  Once a mother returns to work – full-time, part-time, any time and anywhere – its the one relationship that almost more than any other will keep her awake at night, make her furious, desperate, grateful, and guilty.

As a mother who both loves her children and needs her job, its also often a relationship she wishes she would never have to have. Yet from the moment it begins, it becomes hopelessly and forever entangled with her view of herself, her love of her family, and her need to support them. In this way it becomes instantly and inextricably folded into the dialogue every mother carries on within herself, with her partner, her colleagues, and her friends: If playground, cocktail party and book group conversation is anything to go by, the topic of nannies, what they do to us and what we do to them is right up there with talk about love, sex, and school waiting lists.

–from the Introduction

 

Jessika Auerbach was born in Germany, but grew up primarily in England.  She studied at the Institut des Sciences Politiques and the Sorbonne in Paris and at Oxford University, and since that time has lived and worked as an editor and writer in New York, Connecticut, the Netherlands, and Hong Kong.  Her four daughters were born on three different continents, and she and her husband remain happily in touch with almost all the nineteen nannies, au-pairs and part-time babysitters who have provided them with childcare over the years.  She currently lives with her family in Singapore, where she is working on her next book.

And Nanny Makes Three: Mothers and Nannies Tell the Truth About Work, Love, Money, and Each Other

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Lucy Kaylin has written a book that begins with the watershed moment in a mother’s life—when she decides to hire a proxy to care for her children. Given that it’s not only affluent women who turn to nannies anymore, this arrangement is also a watershed in the history of women’s rights. Women now have choices. And therein lies the problem. Having choices has forced women to confront their feelings about motherhood and work, and to make difficult decisions requiring wrenching sacrifice. It’s a murky, ambivalent time, and nowhere is that ambivalence more acutely expressed than in a working mother’s relationships with her children’s nanny, who serves such a precious function in the private space that is the family home. Lucy Kaylin, an experienced journalist who has interviewed prominent newsmakers of every stripe, isn’t afraid to ask the tough questions to get to the heart of this complex relationship. She looks at the nanny/mother relationship from both sides. As a working mother who hired a babysitter of her own, she knows the process intimately. Kaylin exposes both the great joys and the difficult emotional issues that play out when working women invite perfect strangers into their homes to help care for their children.

The Perfect Stranger: The Truth About Mothers and Nannies

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